The Selfishness of Christmas, and Opting Out
I do not celebrate Christmas. Ever since I was old enough to have an informed opinion of my own about it, I have participated in it only under duress and out of an externally-imposed sense of guilt. I have done my best over the years to express to family, friends, and coworkers that I do not observe this holiday and want nothing to do with its trappings. Don't get me wrong, I like having opportunities to see my extended family, get together with friends, and feed people. Unfortunately, it's become practically impossible over the years to do this in December without all the other baggage of Christmas coming along with it. I have done my best to opt out in a respectful way, but every year I still get the same guilt trips from one person or another about my desire to have nothing to do with Christmas. That ends now.

For some reason, even some of those who don't observe it themselves still seem to think that we nonbelievers have an obligation to go through the motions for the sake of family, and that we're selfish if we don't want to put on a game face and fake it, take time off work, endure the tremendous financial hit and aggravation of buying presents for half the family and friends, or otherwise have the holiday shoved down our throats for family solidarity. Why? If I'm selfish for not wanting to endure this because most of the family celebrates the holiday, why are they not equally selfish--if not moreso--for having the chutzpah to assume that I'm expected to participate in a holiday I don't celebrate or care about and blow our December budget on buying crap for people who aren't considerate enough to respect /my/ beliefs and feelings on the matter? Why is it that I'm regarded as selfish and inconsiderate for wanting to opt out, but they're not selfish and inconsiderate for insisting that I opt in?

People who celebrate Christmas are, by and large, really rude about this. We get the holiday shoved down our throats day in and day out for two months, and when we raise even the most polite request that we be allowed to opt out of it, are very frequently treated as if we've just requested something beyond the pale, that we're selfish and rude for not playing along with everyone else. We get guilt trips about not being supportive of family, we get pressure to just give in and go along, and are generally treated with inexcusable disrespect.

I'm sick of being treated like this. It's not me who's being selfish about Christmas, it's you. Yes, you--if you're reading this and you think it sounds like I'm talking about you, I probably am, and you need to take a step back and think about what you're doing. I don't want to hear your justifications. I don't want to hear you cite statistics on what percentage of the country celebrates this awful holiday. I just want you to back off and respect the fact that I don't celebrate it and want nothing to do with it, no matter how you secularize or repackage it.

When you send me presents, it usually just contributes to the imposed sense of guilt and obligation. What am I supposed to do, send it back and say no thank you, I don't celebrate Christmas? That's boorish, it would be a slap in the face. I genuinely appreciate the thought that goes into some of the gifts people have bought for me, but I do not appreciate the obligation that goes along with having no choice but to accept them. To your credit, not all of you are like this. Plenty of people give gifts without any expectations, and without tying them to a particular holiday. I go out of my way to do thoughtful things for people often, regardless of the occasion, so I understand and appreciate this.

So I'm making it clear, right now: I'm not getting you anything for Christmas. It's not that I don't like or love you, and it's not that I don't appreciate your thoughts, it's just that I don't celebrate your holiday and don't feel that there's any conceivable reason I should be obligated to participate in it just because you think that Christmas is so great that everyone else in the country should want to play along. I don't, and it's disrespectful of you to expect that of me if you know my feelings on the matter.

If that pisses you off, then please, do us both a favor: don't get me anything. If you feel morally compelled to give me a gift and can't handle my lack of reciprocation, then please make a donation to the ACLU, Doctors Without Borders, The Electronic Frontier Foundation, or the Democratic Party in my name. If you still feel compelled to get me something material, then please don't be offended if the only thing you receive in return is my gratitude and thanks.

Honestly, the most thoughtful gift you can give me this or any other year is one less person pushing this holiday in my face at a time when I'm trying real hard to avoid it.