Catsy (amezuki) wrote,

Apple Juice and Analog Twitter

I hate high fructose corn syrup. It gives me headaches like you wouldn't believe, and it's in almost everything. I wish that were hyperbole, but you try finding, say, a variety of creamy horseradish spread that doesn't have HFCS. This was problematic for me, as I work in IT and have access to an effectively unlimited supply of free soda when I'm at work--and I used to take full advantage of that perk. Back in '96 when I was doing ISP tech support, my cube was host to the floor's "Temple of Dew". I drank a lot of soda.

I don't do that anymore. In addition to getting rid of the headaches, it's done wonders for helping me lose weight. The problem is that I don't really like drinking water or other unflavored liquids, which means that about the only thing provided at work that I can drink is Welch's Apple Juice, which is juice from concentrate and does not contain HFCS. I go through at least three or four cans a day.

It has been days since our cooler was stocked with AJ. We have procurement issues every now and then, and the problem was so bad this morning that not only did our kitchen not have AJ, none of the kitchens on any floor for five floors in either direction had any either. I work in a 20-story building and I walked every single floor looking for AJ--and managed to scrounge a grand total of three cans.

So I opened up Word and wrote a note:
What's with not restocking the apple juice? There's none left in the entire building. Please fix ASAP!
I printed this out, cropped the paper, and taped the note to the door of the cooler.

Around lunchtime I noticed that some "helpful" individual had taped a response to the cooler--just below mine--which said:
What's with all the whining? It's not "apple" juice it's high fructose corn syrup. How about a nice cup of tea??
For those of you playing along at home, this is a real dick move. Nobody--and I mean nobody--likes the person who butts in and starts giving them an unsolicited opinion about why the things they like are bad. You want a quick way to make your friends and coworkers hate you? Wait for them to mention something they like to eat or drink and start informing them of how wrong it is and why they should have something else instead--and you know just the thing.

For bonus points, be completely and utterly wrong on the facts.

A desire to continue working here kept me from replying to their tea suggestion with, "How about a nice cup of STFU?" So I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the ingredients on the apple juice can. Dropped the photo into Word, and wrote below it:
Please illustrate where “high fructose corn syrup” appears in this list.

Better yet, how about you worry about what you like to drink and let others worry about what they like to drink instead of playing diet police? You not only don’t know my reasons for drinking AJ, you also apparently don’t even know what’s in it.

Have a nice day.
As for the title: when I was taping up my reply below the last, one of my coworkers laughed and asked, "what is this, analog Twitter?"

I lawled too.
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